Finally , the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear " the rules"
From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.


These are our rules!
Please note.. These are all numbered "1 "
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
Or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Sex, baseball
Or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -
To give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can -

To give them a bigger laugh.

Confucius Say:

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who scratch ass
should not bite fingernails.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who eat many
prunes get good run for money.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Baseball is wrong:
Man with four balls cannot walk.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

War does not
determine who is right, war determines who is
left.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Wife who put
husband in Doghouse soon find him in
Cathouse.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who fight with
wife all day get no piece at night.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It take many nails
to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who drive like
hell bound to get there.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who live in
glass house should change clothes in
basement..

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who fish in
other man's well often catch crabs.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Crowded elevator
smell different to midget.

learn chinese in 5 minutes

LEARN CHINESE IN 5 MINUTES (Must be read out loud.) 1. That's not right Sum Ting Wong 2. Are you harbouring a fugitive? Hu Yu Hai Ding 3. See me ASAP Kum Hia 4. Stupid Man Dum Chuck 5. Small Horse Tai Ni Po Ni 6. Did you go to the beach? Wai Yu So Tan 7. I bumped the coffee table Ai Bang Mai Ni 8. It;s very dark in here Wai So Dim 9. I think you need a face lift Chin Tu Fat 10. I thought you were on a diet Wai You Mun Ching 11. This is a tow away zone No Pak King 12. Our meeting is scheduled for next week. Wai Yu Kum Nao 13. Staying out of sight Lei Ying Lo 14. He's cleaning his automobile Wa shing Ka 15. Your body odor is offensive Yu Stin Ki Pu 16. Great! Su Pa Du Pa

How To Book A Comedian

If you are going to book a professional comedian for a corporate event or holiday party there are some things you should know before you start.

Everyone that ever got on stage on open mic night thinks of himself as a comic. While he may have gotten some laughs in front of his friends a corporate event or holiday party could be totally different outcome.

Book a comedian using a professional comedy booking agency. They will know hundreds of established acts that can do a great job. You don't want someone learning the craft while your reputation is at stake. The professional agency can provide proven acts that have performed at events just like yours. An experienced act will be able to deal with the different situations that can arise during the show with ease.

Request a promo pack from the act which will show if they have experience with your kind of event. If you are booking a corporate event the act should have experience with large corporate events listed on his promo. If they don't have anything but comedy club appearances listed be careful. In comedy clubs anything goes and any language is ok. This is probably not the case at the corporate event.

If you use a professional comedy booking agency they will send you a contract that will show the date and time of show. The show will usually last 30 to 45 minuets. It will also show the price agreed on and any other important information. Most will require a 50% deposit in advance of the show and 50% payable prior to the show. Most will have you make the check to the agency and they will pay the talent.

It is an industry standard that you provide a hotel for the talent as well. A professional comic is on the road a lot and nice accommodations are appreciated. Of course if the talent is local that is not necessary.

The venue should have good light and sound. A microphone and stand along with a stool.

Some acts may require other things but this should be spelled out in the contract or the act will supply them.

The comic is responsible to arrive at the venue at least an hour prior to show time. Most will be there much earlier than that. In some cases you may need to pick them up at the airport. This is a good time to tell them about the company or event so they can get some ideas on how to work with the group. If someone in the organization is a practical joker or has a good sense of humor you may want to tell the comic prior to the show.


The live stand up comedy show can bring new energy and fun to your event unlike any other. The comedy show is a great way to break down barriers and allow everyone to share a great experience.
Article Source: http://www.articleset.com

A Doctor's Diet

A gentleman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him
on a newly discovered diet.

"I want you to eat regular meals for 2 days , then skip a day,
and repeat this procedure for 2 more weeks. The next time
I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds."

When the man returned, he shocked his doctor by having
lost nearly 60 pounds.

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said. "Did you follow my
instructions ?"

The man nodded, "I'll tell ya though, I thought I was going to
drop dead that 3rd day."

"From hunger, you mean ?"

"No, from all that skipping!"

Ba-da-Bing! Ba-da Boom!

Jay Leno's Economic Crisis Jokes

1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but
keeps the building standing. It's called the stock market.

2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is
now being called Wal-Mart Street.

3. The difference between a pigeon and a London investment
banker. The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.

4. What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in
Las Vegas and an investment banker? A tie!

5. The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that on
the left side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left.

6. I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be watching
our show, if you get any emails from Washington asking for
money, it's a scam. Don't fall for it!

7. Bush was asked about the credit crunch. He said it was his
favorite candy bar.

8. The rescue bill was about 450 pages. President Bush's copy
is even thicker. They had to include pictures.

9. President Bush's response was to meet some small business
owners in San Antonio last week. The small business owners are
General Motors, General Electric and Century 21.

10. What worries me most about the credit crunch is that if one
of my checks is returned stamped 'insufficient funds'. I won't know
whether that refers to mine or the bank's.

SHIT

I'll bet you don't know where the word SHIT comes from.
Years ago when manure was shipped to various sites for
use or disposal, it really was shipped on a ship.
Because of the obvious stench that would eventually get
much worse as time went on, it was stored on the highest
places on-board the ship as the methane gas would rise.
So, the common phase, Ship High In Transit was coined
to move manure from place to place. As time went on,
the term was abbreviated to what we now call SHIT.
How about that.
Ya learn Sumpthin every day - Rite ???