Monday, October 13, 2008
A Michigan woman and her family were vacationing
in a small New England town where Paul Newman
and his family often visited. One Sunday morning, the woman got up early to
take a long walk. After a brisk five-mile hike, she
decided to treat herself to a double-dip chocolate
ice cream cone.She hopped in the car, drove to the center of the
village and went straight to the combination bakery/
ice cream parlor. There was only one other patron in the store: Paul
Newman, sitting at the counter having a doughnut
and coffee.The woman's heart skipped a beat as her eyes made
contact with those famous baby-blue eyes. The actor nodded graciously and the star struck woman smiled demurely.Pull yourself together! She chides herself. You're a happily married woman with three children, you're
forty-five years old, not a teenager! The clerk filled her order and she took the double-dip chocolate ice cream cone in one hand and her change in the other.
Then she went out the door, avoiding even a glance
in Paul Newman's direction.When she reached her car, she realized that she had
a handful of change but her other hand was empty. Where's my ice cream cone? Did I leave it in the store?
Back into the shop she went, expecting to see the
cone still in the clerk's hand or in a holder on the
counter or something!
No ice cream cone was in sight.
With that, she happened to look over at Paul Newman. His face broke into his familiar, warm, friendly grin
and he said to the woman, 'You put it in your purse.'
Friday, October 10, 2008
A cowboy, who is visiting Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, 'You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time.'
The cowboy replies, 'Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado . When we all left our home in Texas , we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself.'
The bartender admits that this is a nice> custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, 'I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss.'
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.
'Oh, no, everybody's just fine, ' he explains, 'It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking.'
'Hasn't affected my brothers though.'
Thursday, October 9, 2008
There is a new study just released by the American Psychiatric Association about women and how they feel about their asses. The results are pretty shocking: 1. Only 5% of women surveyed feel their ass is too big. 2. 10% of women surveyed feel their ass is too small. 3. The remaining 85% say they don't care; they love him; he's a good man and they would have married him anyway.
Friday, October 3, 2008
'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared.
I think I'm going crazy
.''Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.
'How much do you charge? ''Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor. 'I'll sleep on it,' I said. Six months later the doctor met me on the street. 'Why didn't you ever come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked. 'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money!
A bartender cured me for $10.
With an attitude, he asked, and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?
'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there now ! ! !
SCREW THOSE SHRINKS.. GO HAVE A DRINK & TALK TO YOUR BARTENDER