Friday, January 30, 2009

Confucius Say:


Man who scratch ass
should not bite fingernails.


Man who eat many
prunes get good run for money.


Baseball is wrong:
Man with four balls cannot walk.


War does not
determine who is right, war determines who is


Wife who put
husband in Doghouse soon find him in


Man who fight with
wife all day get no piece at night.


It take many nails
to build crib, but one screw to fill it.


Man who drive like
hell bound to get there.


Man who live in
glass house should change clothes in


Man who fish in
other man's well often catch crabs.


Crowded elevator
smell different to midget.

Monday, January 26, 2009

learn chinese in 5 minutes

LEARN CHINESE IN 5 MINUTES (Must be read out loud.) 1. That's not right Sum Ting Wong 2. Are you harbouring a fugitive? Hu Yu Hai Ding 3. See me ASAP Kum Hia 4. Stupid Man Dum Chuck 5. Small Horse Tai Ni Po Ni 6. Did you go to the beach? Wai Yu So Tan 7. I bumped the coffee table Ai Bang Mai Ni 8. It;s very dark in here Wai So Dim 9. I think you need a face lift Chin Tu Fat 10. I thought you were on a diet Wai You Mun Ching 11. This is a tow away zone No Pak King 12. Our meeting is scheduled for next week. Wai Yu Kum Nao 13. Staying out of sight Lei Ying Lo 14. He's cleaning his automobile Wa shing Ka 15. Your body odor is offensive Yu Stin Ki Pu 16. Great! Su Pa Du Pa

Thursday, January 22, 2009

How To Book A Comedian

If you are going to book a professional comedian for a corporate event or holiday party there are some things you should know before you start.

Everyone that ever got on stage on open mic night thinks of himself as a comic. While he may have gotten some laughs in front of his friends a corporate event or holiday party could be totally different outcome.

Book a comedian using a professional comedy booking agency. They will know hundreds of established acts that can do a great job. You don't want someone learning the craft while your reputation is at stake. The professional agency can provide proven acts that have performed at events just like yours. An experienced act will be able to deal with the different situations that can arise during the show with ease.

Request a promo pack from the act which will show if they have experience with your kind of event. If you are booking a corporate event the act should have experience with large corporate events listed on his promo. If they don't have anything but comedy club appearances listed be careful. In comedy clubs anything goes and any language is ok. This is probably not the case at the corporate event.

If you use a professional comedy booking agency they will send you a contract that will show the date and time of show. The show will usually last 30 to 45 minuets. It will also show the price agreed on and any other important information. Most will require a 50% deposit in advance of the show and 50% payable prior to the show. Most will have you make the check to the agency and they will pay the talent.

It is an industry standard that you provide a hotel for the talent as well. A professional comic is on the road a lot and nice accommodations are appreciated. Of course if the talent is local that is not necessary.

The venue should have good light and sound. A microphone and stand along with a stool.

Some acts may require other things but this should be spelled out in the contract or the act will supply them.

The comic is responsible to arrive at the venue at least an hour prior to show time. Most will be there much earlier than that. In some cases you may need to pick them up at the airport. This is a good time to tell them about the company or event so they can get some ideas on how to work with the group. If someone in the organization is a practical joker or has a good sense of humor you may want to tell the comic prior to the show.
Whoopi Goldberg: Comedian And Movie Star

The live stand up comedy show can bring new energy and fun to your event unlike any other. The comedy show is a great way to break down barriers and allow everyone to share a great experience.
Article Source:

Monday, January 12, 2009

A Doctor's Diet

A gentleman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him
on a newly discovered diet.

"I want you to eat regular meals for 2 days , then skip a day,
and repeat this procedure for 2 more weeks. The next time
I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds."

When the man returned, he shocked his doctor by having
lost nearly 60 pounds.

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said. "Did you follow my
instructions ?"

The man nodded, "I'll tell ya though, I thought I was going to
drop dead that 3rd day."

"From hunger, you mean ?"

"No, from all that skipping!"

Ba-da-Bing! Ba-da Boom!