Beer

Leave it to the Cape Bretoners to use their logic to fight the ever-rising cost of gas.

Cream of Wheat

Another American Converts to Islam It was announced today that Buckwheat, of Our Gang fame has converted to The Muslim faith and changed his name to Kareem of Wheat.

SEE IF I GOT THIS RIGHT !!! IF YOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET 12 YEARS HARD LABOR. IF YOU CROSS THE IRANIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU ARE DETAINED INDEFINITELY. IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN BORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU GET SHOT. IF YOU CROSS THE SAUDI ARABIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE JAILED. IF YOU CROSS THE CHINESE BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU MAY NEVER BE HEARD FROM AGAIN. IF YOU CROSS THE VENEZUELAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE BRANDED A SPY AND YOUR FATE WILL BE SEALED. IF YOU CROSS THE CUBAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE THROWN INTO POLITICAL PRISON TO ROT. IF YOU CROSS THE CANADIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET !!! A JOB, A DRIVERS LICENSE, SOCIAL INSURANCE CARD, WELFARE, FOOD STAMPS, CREDIT CARDS, SUBSIDIZED RENT OR A LOAN TO BUY A HOUSE, FREE EDUCATION, FREE HEALTH CARE, A LOBBYIST IN OTTAWA MILLIONS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF PUBLIC DOCUMENTS PRINTED IN YOUR LANGUAGE THE RIGHT TO CARRY YOUR COUNTRY'S FLAG WHILE YOU PROTEST THAT YOU DON'T GET ENOUGH RESPECT AND, IN MANY INSTANCES, YOU CAN VOTE.

7 degrees of Blondes

FIRST DEGREE

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should> I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear -:*´`´*:-,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-

SECOND DEGREE

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to> pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and> says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar ; The second blonde says, "Here, let me see So the first blonde hands her the compact The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You> dummy, it's me ; ` ´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:> *´`´*:-,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:

THIRD DEGREE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun,and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to; her head; The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"; The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!" `´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,..-:*´`´*:-,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.> -:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*;

FOURTH DEGREE

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state> capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead and ask me, I know all of them."; A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W." `´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,. -:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*;

FIFTH DEGREE

What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?" `´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:; *´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-,_,.-:*

SIXTH DEGREE

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA; freshman, sat in her US government class. The; professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade; was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said; "That was the decision George Washington had to make; before he crossed the Delaware. `´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.; -:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*

SEVENTH DEGREE

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked; to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman."

Tim Hortons

A blonde goes into a Tim Horton's and notices there's A 'roll up the rim' sticker on her coffee cup. So she unfolds it and starts screaming, 'I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!'

The waitress says, 'That's impossible. The biggest prize is car .?'

But the blonde keeps on screaming, 'I've won a motorhome!

I've won a motorhome!'

Finally, the manager comes over and says, 'Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken.

You couldn't have possibly won a motorhome Because we didn't have that as a prize.

The blonde says, 'No, it's not a mistake. I've won a motorhome!' And she hands the cup to the Manager and HE reads...

(YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS !!!!!! . I PROMISE !)

'W I N A B A G E L'

WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says . 'HEBREWS'




The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit $200 million."Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later,


She became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at financial planning than men.