Silver Haired Senior Female

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."

Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ............


"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

( Corn Flakes Have a Picture Of a Rooster On It )

Apartment For Rent

APARTMENT for RENT
THIS IS TOO FUNNY ...


A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. Morning, before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment 'RENT FOR APARTMENT.'


On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event had not been worth the price. So he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclose the following typed note:


'Dear Madam:

Enclosed find a check for $250 for rent of your apartment . I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the place, I was under the impression that:

#1 - it had never been occupied;
#2 - there was plenty of heat; and
#3 - it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home.

However, I found out that:

#1 - it had been previously occupied,
#2 - there wasn't any heat, and
#3 - it was entirely too large.'

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check f or $250 with the following note:


'Dear Sir:

#1 - I cannot understand how you could expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
#2 - As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.
#3 - Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the management.



So, Please send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady...

Beer

Leave it to the Cape Bretoners to use their logic to fight the ever-rising cost of gas.

Cream of Wheat

Another American Converts to Islam It was announced today that Buckwheat, of Our Gang fame has converted to The Muslim faith and changed his name to Kareem of Wheat.

SEE IF I GOT THIS RIGHT !!! IF YOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET 12 YEARS HARD LABOR. IF YOU CROSS THE IRANIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU ARE DETAINED INDEFINITELY. IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN BORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU GET SHOT. IF YOU CROSS THE SAUDI ARABIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE JAILED. IF YOU CROSS THE CHINESE BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU MAY NEVER BE HEARD FROM AGAIN. IF YOU CROSS THE VENEZUELAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE BRANDED A SPY AND YOUR FATE WILL BE SEALED. IF YOU CROSS THE CUBAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE THROWN INTO POLITICAL PRISON TO ROT. IF YOU CROSS THE CANADIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET !!! A JOB, A DRIVERS LICENSE, SOCIAL INSURANCE CARD, WELFARE, FOOD STAMPS, CREDIT CARDS, SUBSIDIZED RENT OR A LOAN TO BUY A HOUSE, FREE EDUCATION, FREE HEALTH CARE, A LOBBYIST IN OTTAWA MILLIONS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF PUBLIC DOCUMENTS PRINTED IN YOUR LANGUAGE THE RIGHT TO CARRY YOUR COUNTRY'S FLAG WHILE YOU PROTEST THAT YOU DON'T GET ENOUGH RESPECT AND, IN MANY INSTANCES, YOU CAN VOTE.

7 degrees of Blondes

FIRST DEGREE

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should> I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear -:*´`´*:-,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-

SECOND DEGREE

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to> pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and> says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar ; The second blonde says, "Here, let me see So the first blonde hands her the compact The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You> dummy, it's me ; ` ´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:> *´`´*:-,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:

THIRD DEGREE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun,and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to; her head; The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"; The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!" `´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,..-:*´`´*:-,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.> -:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*;

FOURTH DEGREE

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state> capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead and ask me, I know all of them."; A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W." `´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,. -:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*;

FIFTH DEGREE

What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?" `´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:; *´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-,_,.-:*

SIXTH DEGREE

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA; freshman, sat in her US government class. The; professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade; was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said; "That was the decision George Washington had to make; before he crossed the Delaware. `´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.; -:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*

SEVENTH DEGREE

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked; to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman."

Tim Hortons

A blonde goes into a Tim Horton's and notices there's A 'roll up the rim' sticker on her coffee cup. So she unfolds it and starts screaming, 'I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!'

The waitress says, 'That's impossible. The biggest prize is car .?'

But the blonde keeps on screaming, 'I've won a motorhome!

I've won a motorhome!'

Finally, the manager comes over and says, 'Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken.

You couldn't have possibly won a motorhome Because we didn't have that as a prize.

The blonde says, 'No, it's not a mistake. I've won a motorhome!' And she hands the cup to the Manager and HE reads...

(YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS !!!!!! . I PROMISE !)

'W I N A B A G E L'