I'll make you laugh

2011-05-19T12:18:00.001-07:00

The Spoon: A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization.

Last week, we took some friends to a new Indian restaurant, 'Muthu's Place,' and noticed that the Indian waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the Indian staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?'

'Well, 'he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now..' I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the Indian waiter's fly.

Looking around, I saw that all of the Indian waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'

'Oh, certainly!' Then the Indian waiter lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.'

I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'

'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'

2011-05-12T12:39:00.000-07:00

Subject: I sick...no come to work

Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey boss, I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work".

The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me Sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again.

"I do what you say boss and I feel great. I be at work soon.........You got nice house!"

2011-05-09T07:23:00.000-07:00

EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 50

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.

Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.

Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.

Are you getting maximum usage out of your vehicle?

2011-04-28T18:27:00.000-07:00

Are you getting maximum usage out of your vehicle?

2011-04-24T07:10:00.000-07:00

Twinkies and Root Beer

A little boy wanted to meet God. He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, so he packed his suitcase with Twinkies and a six-pack of Root Beer and he started his journey.

When he had gone about three blocks, he met an elderly man. The man was sitting in the park just feeding some pigeons.

The boy sat down next to him and opened his suitcase. He was about to take a drink from his root beer when he noticed that the man looked hungry, so he offered him a Twinkie.

The man gratefully accepted it and smiled at boy. His smile was so pleasant that the boy wanted to see it again, so he offered him a root beer.

Again, the man smiled at him. The boy was delighted! They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling, but they never said a word.

As it grew dark, the boy realized how tired he was and he got up to leave, but before he had gone more than a few steps, he turned around, ran back to the man, and gave him a hug. The man gave him his biggest smile ever.

When the boy opened the door to his own house a short time later, his mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face. She asked him, "What did you do today that made you so happy?

"He replied, "I had lunch with God." But before his mother could respond, he added, "You know what? God's got the most beautiful smile I've ever seen!"

Meanwhile, the elderly man, also radiant with joy, returned to his home. His son was stunned by the look of peace on his face and he asked," Dad, what did you do today that made you so happy?"

He replied, "I ate Twinkies in the park with God." However, before his son responded, he added," You know, he's much younger than I expected."

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Embrace all equally!

~author unknown~

watch out for this scam

2011-04-23T07:39:00.000-07:00

Watch out for this scam...! Police say that the gang usually is comprised of four members, oneadult and three younger ones. While the three younger ones, all areappearing sweet and innocent, divert their 'mark' (or intended target)with a show of friendliness, the fourth--and the eldest-- sneaks infrom behind the person's back to expertly rifle through his or herpocket or purse for any valuables.

road rage africa style

2011-04-20T10:16:00.001-07:00

tickle me elmo

2011-04-20T10:10:00.000-07:00

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.

The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am. The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.

The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor.

When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.

She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena . 'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, 'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...' 'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.'

If my body was a car

2011-04-20T10:00:00.000-07:00

If My Body Was a Car
This is just too funny - scary how true it is!!
If my body was a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.
I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull ...
But that’s not the worst of it. My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.
My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather. My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently. But here's the worst of it -- Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter, either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!

Toilet Paper.

2011-04-14T17:17:00.000-07:00

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch..It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty.You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on theFLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume " The Stance."In this position your aging, toneless(I should have gone to the gym!!!)thigh muscles begin to shake.You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance". To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser.In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying,"Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That will have to do. You crumple it in thepuffiest way possible.. It's still smaller than your thumbnail. Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work.The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet."Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.It is wet of course.You bolt up, knowing all too well thatit's too late.. Yourbare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat becauseYOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottomnevertouched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don'tKNOW what kind of diseases you could get". By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes.The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in tooAt this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat.You're e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d.You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, .....so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.You are no longer able to smile politely to them.A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly,"Here, you just might need this".As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom.Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?" ...................This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms(rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse, and hand you Kleenex under the door! Send this to all women that understand what bonding in the bathroom is all about! A Friend Is Like A Good Bra... Hard to Find...Supportive....Comfortable ...Always Lifts You Up...Never Lets You Down, or Leaves You Hanging, And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!

Tits

2011-04-12T06:27:00.001-07:00

DOORFRAME! DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE A KID AND YOUR PARENTS LINED YOU UP AGAINST A DOOR FRAME TO MARK HOW TALL YOU WERE AND DATED THE MARK? WELL, THIS CARTOON BRINGS A WHOLE NEW PERSPECTIVE TO THAT EXERCISE! LAUGHTER WILL KEEP YOU YOUNG AT HEART

Silver Haired Senior Female

2011-04-10T12:00:00.000-07:00

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."

Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ............

"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

( Corn Flakes Have a Picture Of a Rooster On It )

Apartment For Rent

2011-04-07T13:47:00.000-07:00

APARTMENT for RENT
THIS IS TOO FUNNY ...

A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. Morning, before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment 'RENT FOR APARTMENT.'

On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event had not been worth the price. So he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclose the following typed note:

'Dear Madam:

Enclosed find a check for $250 for rent of your apartment . I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the place, I was under the impression that:

#1 - it had never been occupied;
#2 - there was plenty of heat; and
#3 - it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home.

However, I found out that:

#1 - it had been previously occupied,
#2 - there wasn't any heat, and
#3 - it was entirely too large.'

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check f or $250 with the following note:

'Dear Sir:

#1 - I cannot understand how you could expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
#2 - As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.
#3 - Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the management.

So, Please send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady...

Beer

2011-04-05T17:23:00.001-07:00

Leave it to the Cape Bretoners to use their logic to fight the ever-rising cost of gas.

Cream of Wheat

2011-04-05T12:30:00.000-07:00

Another American Converts to Islam It was announced today that Buckwheat, of Our Gang fame has converted to The Muslim faith and changed his name to Kareem of Wheat.

2011-04-04T15:49:00.001-07:00

SEE IF I GOT THIS RIGHT !!! IF YOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET 12 YEARS HARD LABOR. IF YOU CROSS THE IRANIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU ARE DETAINED INDEFINITELY. IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN BORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU GET SHOT. IF YOU CROSS THE SAUDI ARABIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE JAILED. IF YOU CROSS THE CHINESE BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU MAY NEVER BE HEARD FROM AGAIN. IF YOU CROSS THE VENEZUELAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE BRANDED A SPY AND YOUR FATE WILL BE SEALED. IF YOU CROSS THE CUBAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE THROWN INTO POLITICAL PRISON TO ROT. IF YOU CROSS THE CANADIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET !!! A JOB, A DRIVERS LICENSE, SOCIAL INSURANCE CARD, WELFARE, FOOD STAMPS, CREDIT CARDS, SUBSIDIZED RENT OR A LOAN TO BUY A HOUSE, FREE EDUCATION, FREE HEALTH CARE, A LOBBYIST IN OTTAWA MILLIONS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF PUBLIC DOCUMENTS PRINTED IN YOUR LANGUAGE THE RIGHT TO CARRY YOUR COUNTRY'S FLAG WHILE YOU PROTEST THAT YOU DON'T GET ENOUGH RESPECT AND, IN MANY INSTANCES, YOU CAN VOTE.

7 degrees of Blondes

2011-03-28T12:38:00.000-07:00

FIRST DEGREE

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should> I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear -:*´`´*:-,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-

SECOND DEGREE

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to> pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and> says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar ; The second blonde says, "Here, let me see So the first blonde hands her the compact The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You> dummy, it's me ; ` ´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:> *´`´*:-,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:

THIRD DEGREE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun,and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to; her head; The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"; The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!" `´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,..-:*´`´*:-,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.> -:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*;

FOURTH DEGREE

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state> capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead and ask me, I know all of them."; A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W." `´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,. -:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*;

FIFTH DEGREE

What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?" `´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:; *´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-,_,.-:*

SIXTH DEGREE

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA; freshman, sat in her US government class. The; professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade; was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said; "That was the decision George Washington had to make; before he crossed the Delaware. `´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.; -:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*

SEVENTH DEGREE

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked; to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman."

Tim Hortons

2011-03-27T14:29:00.000-07:00

A blonde goes into a Tim Horton's and notices there's A 'roll up the rim' sticker on her coffee cup. So she unfolds it and starts screaming, 'I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!'

The waitress says, 'That's impossible. The biggest prize is car .?'

But the blonde keeps on screaming, 'I've won a motorhome!

I've won a motorhome!'

Finally, the manager comes over and says, 'Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken.

You couldn't have possibly won a motorhome Because we didn't have that as a prize.

The blonde says, 'No, it's not a mistake. I've won a motorhome!' And she hands the cup to the Manager and HE reads...

(YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS !!!!!! . I PROMISE !)

'W I N A B A G E L'

2009-06-11T06:13:00.000-07:00

WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says . 'HEBREWS'

The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

2009-06-02T13:21:00.000-07:00

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit $200 million."Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later,

She became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

Testicles

2009-03-17T15:52:00.001-07:00

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.

'Mum', he asked, 'Are these my brains?'

'Not yet,' she replied.

An elderly man

2009-03-16T19:37:00.001-07:00

An elderly man had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond, fixed up really nice, along with some picnic tables and some apple and peach trees. The pond was shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. When he came closer, he realized it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end to shield themselves. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned and replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator." Old men may move slow, but we can still think fast.

2009-03-14T15:48:00.000-07:00

> A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing
> his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.
>
>
> 'I'd like to be six again', she replied, still looking in the mirror.
>
>
> On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day!
>
> He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide,
>
> the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller
> Coaster, everything there was.
>
>
> Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park.
> Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
>
>
> He then took her to a Mc Donald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
>
>
> Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and
> her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!
>
>
>
>
>
> Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife
> with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear,
> what was it like being six again?'
>
>
> Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly
> changed. 'I meant my dress size, you retard!!!!'
>
>
> The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening,
> he is gonna get it wrong.

An Irish Woman

2009-03-13T07:52:00.001-07:00

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician > to ask his advise in reviving her husband's libido. > > "What about trying Viagra?" asked the doctor. > "Not a chance", she said. "He won't > even take an aspirin." > > "Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Give > him an > 'Irish Viagra'. It's when you drop the Viagra > tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try > and call me in a week to let me know how things went" > > It wasn't a week later when she called the > doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress. > The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and > begorrah! > > T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!" > "Really? What happened?" asked the doctor. > > "Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in > his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He > jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and > with his pants a-bulging fiercely! > > With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and > tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and > took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! > It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute > nightmare!" > > "Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, > "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?" > "Twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But > sure as I'm sittin here, I'll never be able to show > me face in "Dunkin Donuts" again

2009-02-24T17:24:00.001-08:00

Finally , the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear " the rules"
From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note.. These are all numbered "1 "
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
Or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Sex, baseball
Or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -
To give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can -

To give them a bigger laugh.

2009-01-30T19:11:00.001-08:00

Confucius Say:

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who scratch ass
should not bite fingernails.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who eat many
prunes get good run for money.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Baseball is wrong:
Man with four balls cannot walk.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

War does not
determine who is right, war determines who is
left.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Wife who put
husband in Doghouse soon find him in
Cathouse.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who fight with
wife all day get no piece at night.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It take many nails
to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who drive like
hell bound to get there.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who live in
glass house should change clothes in
basement..

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who fish in
other man's well often catch crabs.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Crowded elevator
smell different to midget.

learn chinese in 5 minutes

2009-01-26T18:17:00.000-08:00

LEARN CHINESE IN 5 MINUTES (Must be read out loud.) 1. That's not right Sum Ting Wong 2. Are you harbouring a fugitive? Hu Yu Hai Ding 3. See me ASAP Kum Hia 4. Stupid Man Dum Chuck 5. Small Horse Tai Ni Po Ni 6. Did you go to the beach? Wai Yu So Tan 7. I bumped the coffee table Ai Bang Mai Ni 8. It;s very dark in here Wai So Dim 9. I think you need a face lift Chin Tu Fat 10. I thought you were on a diet Wai You Mun Ching 11. This is a tow away zone No Pak King 12. Our meeting is scheduled for next week. Wai Yu Kum Nao 13. Staying out of sight Lei Ying Lo 14. He's cleaning his automobile Wa shing Ka 15. Your body odor is offensive Yu Stin Ki Pu 16. Great! Su Pa Du Pa

How To Book A Comedian

2009-01-22T09:13:00.000-08:00

If you are going to book a professional comedian for a corporate event or holiday party there are some things you should know before you start.

Everyone that ever got on stage on open mic night thinks of himself as a comic. While he may have gotten some laughs in front of his friends a corporate event or holiday party could be totally different outcome.

Book a comedian using a professional comedy booking agency. They will know hundreds of established acts that can do a great job. You don't want someone learning the craft while your reputation is at stake. The professional agency can provide proven acts that have performed at events just like yours. An experienced act will be able to deal with the different situations that can arise during the show with ease.

Request a promo pack from the act which will show if they have experience with your kind of event. If you are booking a corporate event the act should have experience with large corporate events listed on his promo. If they don't have anything but comedy club appearances listed be careful. In comedy clubs anything goes and any language is ok. This is probably not the case at the corporate event.

If you use a professional comedy booking agency they will send you a contract that will show the date and time of show. The show will usually last 30 to 45 minuets. It will also show the price agreed on and any other important information. Most will require a 50% deposit in advance of the show and 50% payable prior to the show. Most will have you make the check to the agency and they will pay the talent.

It is an industry standard that you provide a hotel for the talent as well. A professional comic is on the road a lot and nice accommodations are appreciated. Of course if the talent is local that is not necessary.

The venue should have good light and sound. A microphone and stand along with a stool.

Some acts may require other things but this should be spelled out in the contract or the act will supply them.

The comic is responsible to arrive at the venue at least an hour prior to show time. Most will be there much earlier than that. In some cases you may need to pick them up at the airport. This is a good time to tell them about the company or event so they can get some ideas on how to work with the group. If someone in the organization is a practical joker or has a good sense of humor you may want to tell the comic prior to the show.

The live stand up comedy show can bring new energy and fun to your event unlike any other. The comedy show is a great way to break down barriers and allow everyone to share a great experience.
Article Source: http://www.articleset.com

2009-01-12T07:23:00.001-08:00

A Doctor's Diet

A gentleman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him
on a newly discovered diet.

"I want you to eat regular meals for 2 days , then skip a day,
and repeat this procedure for 2 more weeks. The next time
I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds."

When the man returned, he shocked his doctor by having
lost nearly 60 pounds.

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said. "Did you follow my
instructions ?"

The man nodded, "I'll tell ya though, I thought I was going to
drop dead that 3rd day."

"From hunger, you mean ?"

"No, from all that skipping!"

Ba-da-Bing! Ba-da Boom!

2008-12-23T04:43:00.001-08:00

Jay Leno's Economic Crisis Jokes

1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but
keeps the building standing. It's called the stock market.

2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is
now being called Wal-Mart Street.

3. The difference between a pigeon and a London investment
banker. The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.

4. What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in
Las Vegas and an investment banker? A tie!

5. The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that on
the left side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left.

6. I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be watching
our show, if you get any emails from Washington asking for
money, it's a scam. Don't fall for it!

7. Bush was asked about the credit crunch. He said it was his
favorite candy bar.

8. The rescue bill was about 450 pages. President Bush's copy
is even thicker. They had to include pictures.

9. President Bush's response was to meet some small business
owners in San Antonio last week. The small business owners are
General Motors, General Electric and Century 21.

10. What worries me most about the credit crunch is that if one
of my checks is returned stamped 'insufficient funds'. I won't know
whether that refers to mine or the bank's.

SHIT

2008-12-21T17:07:00.000-08:00

I'll bet you don't know where the word SHIT comes from.
Years ago when manure was shipped to various sites for
use or disposal, it really was shipped on a ship.
Because of the obvious stench that would eventually get
much worse as time went on, it was stored on the highest
places on-board the ship as the methane gas would rise.
So, the common phase, Ship High In Transit was coined
to move manure from place to place. As time went on,
the term was abbreviated to what we now call SHIT.
How about that.
Ya learn Sumpthin every day - Rite ???

Cannon Balls

2008-12-19T10:01:00.000-08:00

CANNON BALLS! DID YOU KNOW THIS?

It was necessary to keep a good supply of cannon balls
near the cannon on old war ships. But how to prevent them from
rolling about the deck was the problem. The best storage method
devised was to stack them as a square based pyramid, with one ball
on top, resting on four, resting on nine, which rested on sixteen.

Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area
right next to the cannon. There was only one problem -- how
to prevent the bottom layer from sliding/rolling from under the
others. The solution was a metal plate with 16 round indentations,
called, for reasons unknown, a Monkey. But if this plate were made
of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the
rusting problem was to make them of brass - hence, Brass Monkeys.
Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and
much faster than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the
temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so
much that the iron cannon balls would come right off the monkey.

Thus,it was quite literally, cold enough to freeze the
balls off a brass monkey. And all this time, you thought that was just
a vulgar expression, didn't you? You must send this fabulous
bit of historical knowledge to at least a few uneducated friends....just as
I did!

No Speak English!

2008-12-08T18:01:00.000-08:00

A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they
lived happily ever after in Toronto . The poor lady was not
very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate
with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she
had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken
legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in
desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to
show her thighs. Her butcher got the message, and gave her
the chicken legs.

Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't
know how to say it, and so she clucked like a chicken and un-
buttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts. The butcher
understood again, and gave her some chicken breasts.

On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable
to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to
the store...

What were you thinking?
Hellooooooo, her Canadian husband speaks English!
Now get back to work.

I don't know about you sometimes!

Daily jokes, Daily humor, Daily Puns, Daily Quotes, Daily Cartoons, Daily Riddles, Daily laffs, etc,. are among the most popular categories for surfin

2008-12-05T08:04:00.000-08:00

Daily jokes, Daily humor, Daily Puns, Daily Quotes, Daily Cartoons, Daily Riddles, Daily laffs, etc,. are among the most popular categories for surfing on the. Who among us hasn’t felt the need to read a couple of good Daily jokes to brush away the stresses of a hard session at work, studying, on the Internet. Or just plain and simple because you feel like it. While Daily joke and Daily Quotes etc., websites are a dime a dozen on the Internet, really good ones are not so easy to come by. Most Daily jokes, Daily humor, Daily Puns, Daily Quotes, Daily Cartoons, Daily Riddles, Daily laffs, etc., websites use the same format of collecting their materials under obvious categories such as Lawyer Jokes, Doctor Jokes, Blond Jokes and the like. Some also sub collect them into categories such as Puns and lists. A lot of Daily Joke and Daily quote etc., websites, particularly by the British who seem to have a lot of time on their hands, laboriously give each single Daily jokes, Daily humor, and Daily Quotes their own title. Meaning you have no idea what you are going to see until you see it, even after having clicked around and clicked around endlessly until you found a title you liked. Wholelook.com is a whole new Daily jokes, Daily Quotes and Daily humor etc., website which steps to a different drummer, with an interesting format which makes the old versions of Daily quotes and Daily jokes websites look primitive. For those of you who like good Daily quotes and Daily humor websites, Wholelook.com is the answer to your prayers. It is the website brain eraser equivalent of a quick trip to the water cooler or quick break for coffee. As the brand new kid-on-the-block, Wholelook.com approaches the subject from an all new prospective. Instead of forcing you to rummage around in a slowly growing archive of numerous humour related materials under numerous topics, Wholelook.com present you with a quick tabloid of nine distinctly different ‘Daily joke, Daily Quote, and Daily Humour’ type categories such as Jokes, Quickies, Quotes, Puns, etc., providing three ‘Next’ views under each category. You click on the ones you like, or all, with repeats in each, and you didn’t have to go looking at all. The entire collection is refreshed twice daily, giving those of you who are too impatient to wait until the next day an all important double turn at the trough. Wholelook.com even includes a Daily Cartoon, visible on the home page. Any idiot can follow the navigation. In five minutes or less you are ready to return back to whatever you were doing fully recharged and ready to go. Even bosses would approve of this particular website. Similarly, all Daily joke and Daily quote etc., materials on Wholelook.com are Walt Disney approved. Parents would have no qualms about allowing access to their kids and you do not have to worry about wincing in mortification after recommending the Daily jokes and Daily quotes etc., to your Local Reverend.

Tax Jokes and Quotes

2008-12-02T20:21:00.000-08:00

Do you realize that some tax forms ask you to check a box if you are BLIND?

Quote: “Two years ago it was impossible to get through on the phone to the IRS. Now it's just hard to get through. That's progress.” -Charles Rossotti, former IRS Commissioner

Disappointed that you never had time to write the great American novel? Don’t fret, just go dig out your past tax returns.

Quote: "The Eiffel Tower is the Empire State Building after taxes."

Under the Freedom of Information Act, a man with a small business sent a request to the IRS asking if they had a file on him. The IRS wrote back, “There is now.”

Quote: “It would be nice if we could all pay our taxes with a smile, but normally cash is required.”

Q: Who audits IRS agents?

Quote: “Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is quite as satisfying as an income tax refund.”

Q: How do you drive a CPA insane?

A: Fill out Form 1040EZ.

Quote: “The government deficit is the difference between the amount of money the government spends and the amount it has the nerve to collect."

Why is it that when the IRS loses a tax return, it is considered a mistake, but when you lose a receipt, it is considered tax evasion?

Quote: "The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling."

Q: How do you humble a person that flaunts their wealth?

A: Have them fill out a tax return.

Quote: “Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don't know when it's through if you are a crook or a martyr.”

Q: Why is a tax audit like a tornado?

A: There's a lot of screaming and you end up losing your house.

Quote: “When are we going to be allowed to list the government as a dependent?”

People often say death and taxes are the same, but this is wrong. Death is a taxable event, but taxes never die.

Article Source: http://www.ArticlesandAuthors.com - THE Premier Site for Articles AND Authors

About this Article Author:

Richard A. Chapo is with BusinessTaxRecovery.com - obtaining tax refund recovery for overpaid small business taxes. Visit BusinessTaxRecovery.com to read more business tax articles or our new tax credits page.

GOVERNMENT HEALTH WARNING

2008-12-02T06:27:00.000-08:00

GOVERNMENT HEALTH WARNING
>>> DO NOT SWALLOW YOUR CHEWING-GUM <<<

Sit, Stay

2008-11-11T16:56:00.000-08:00

SIT STAY!!!!
I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the
Super Wal-Mart Shopping Center and rolled
down the car windows to make sure my
Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.

She was stretched full-out on the back seat
and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,

"Now you stay. Do you hear me?"
"Stay! Stay!"

The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blonde young lady, gave me a strange look and said,

"Why don't you just put it inpark?"

funny stories

2008-11-05T07:48:00.001-08:00

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter in to the emergency room right away.

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming toward them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locater beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this, "Put all your money in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that; measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs.. He immediately mailed in his $40.

Wise guy........

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.

The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license.

They arrested the robber two hours later.

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.

The whole event was caught on videotape.

We live in a semi-rural area, (Weyauwega , Wisconsin), and we recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! - I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."

STAY ALERT! They walk among us, they REPRODUCE
. . . and they VOTE!

5 Funny Love Poems

2008-11-05T06:12:00.001-08:00

When most people think of love poems, they think of serious and soulful expressions of passion. Long sonnets by Shakespeare or romantic poems by Browning and Lord Byron are the norm for love poetry. However, funny love poems can be good for a laugh. They may not be romantic, but they do give your friends something to enjoy.

Some of the best funny love poems are limericks. Limericks started in Ireland and follow a standard form of five lines and a rhyme scheme of aabba. Here are a few limericks written by anonymous authors:

There once was an old man of Lyme
Who married three wives at a time
When asked "Why a third?"
He replied, "One's absurd!
And bigamy, Sir, is a crime."

There was a young fellow named Hammer
Whose had an unfortunate stammer
"The b-bane of my life"
Said he, "Is m-m-my wife
D-d-d-d-d-d-damn ‘er!"

She made friends with a young undertaker;
Her last boyfriend had forsaken her.
But she started to curse
When he turned up in a hearse.
She said next time I'll date a baker!

There was a young lady named Constance,
From boys she wouldn't stand any nonsense.
If her partners grew deft
She would lead with her left;
The results would not weigh on her conscience.

My sweetheart and I are just wed.
Already I wish I were dead.
Two weeks she's been spending.
It was time never ending.
We are thousands of pounds in the red!

Limericks are fairly easy to write if you can rhyme well, so you might try writing a limerick yourself that includes the name of your friend or loved one. This is a good way to make a funny love poem that is personalized.

You can find more information about funny poems at:
http://www.love-poems-quotes.info/funny-love-poems.html

Paul Newman

2008-10-13T08:12:00.000-07:00

A True Story.

A Michigan woman and her family were vacationing
in a small New England town where Paul Newman
and his family often visited. One Sunday morning, the woman got up early to
take a long walk. After a brisk five-mile hike, she
decided to treat herself to a double-dip chocolate
ice cream cone.She hopped in the car, drove to the center of the
village and went straight to the combination bakery/
ice cream parlor. There was only one other patron in the store: Paul
Newman, sitting at the counter having a doughnut
and coffee.The woman's heart skipped a beat as her eyes made
contact with those famous baby-blue eyes. The actor nodded graciously and the star struck woman smiled demurely.Pull yourself together! She chides herself. You're a happily married woman with three children, you're
forty-five years old, not a teenager! The clerk filled her order and she took the double-dip chocolate ice cream cone in one hand and her change in the other.

Then she went out the door, avoiding even a glance
in Paul Newman's direction.When she reached her car, she realized that she had
a handful of change but her other hand was empty. Where's my ice cream cone? Did I leave it in the store?
Back into the shop she went, expecting to see the
cone still in the clerk's hand or in a holder on the
counter or something!

No ice cream cone was in sight.
With that, she happened to look over at Paul Newman. His face broke into his familiar, warm, friendly grin
and he said to the woman, 'You put it in your purse.'

Cowboy

2008-10-10T11:22:00.000-07:00

A cowboy, who is visiting Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, 'You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time.'

The cowboy replies, 'Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado . When we all left our home in Texas , we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself.'

The bartender admits that this is a nice> custom, and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, 'I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss.'

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

'Oh, no, everybody's just fine, ' he explains, 'It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking.'

'Hasn't affected my brothers though.'

women's ass size study

2008-10-09T07:42:00.001-07:00

Women's Ass Size Study

There is a new study just released by the American Psychiatric Association about women and how they feel about their asses. The results are pretty shocking: 1. Only 5% of women surveyed feel their ass is too big. 2. 10% of women surveyed feel their ass is too small. 3. The remaining 85% say they don't care; they love him; he's a good man and they would have married him anyway.

The Shrink

2008-10-03T14:42:00.001-07:00

EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM.
'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared.
I think I'm going crazy
.''Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.
'How much do you charge? ''Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor. 'I'll sleep on it,' I said. Six months later the doctor met me on the street. 'Why didn't you ever come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked. 'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money!
A bartender cured me for $10.
With an attitude, he asked, and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?
'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there now ! ! !
SCREW THOSE SHRINKS.. GO HAVE A DRINK & TALK TO YOUR BARTENDER

Women Swallows Bullet in Hot Dog

2008-09-28T15:45:00.000-07:00

A woman in California claims that she swallowed a bullet while eating a hot dog and bit on another. The lady was enjoying her Costco hot dog when she felt that something was wrong. At first she thought that it was her metal braces, but she investigated further and found that the cause of her discomfort wasn't her braces at all.
31-year-old Olivia Chanes was eating a Hebrew National hot dog at Costco store in in Irvine, California. She felt some hard metal piece in her hot dog as she was chewing. Having determined that it wasn't her braces which were making her feel as if she was chewing metal, she examined the contents in her mouth and found a 9mm bullet.
Chanes called police who dissected the remaining stock of Hebrew National hot dogs searching for any other contaminents. No other contaminents were found in the hot dogs. It would appear that the only bullet to be found was in the hot dog being eaten by Olivia Chanes.
Olivia Chanes ordeal was not over, however. Chanes later had stomach pains and went to the hospital. An x-ray revealed that she had a bullet in her stomach. She showed her x-ray on local television which proved that she was true in her assertion that she'd swallowed a bullet. The bullet must have been in the hot dog which she was eating.
The woman stated that she was glad she had eaten the bullet rather than having it end-up in her stomach by getting shot.

About the Author
Kyle Ware is the marketing manager of a leading software development company for the past 10 years.
Kyle Ware writes articles on weird news for sites such as:World Newspapers Online Magazines Weird News Blog